Murphy's Military Laws

  • Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
  • No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
  • Friendly fire ain't.
  • The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
  • The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
  • The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
  • The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
  • Incoming fire has the right of way.
  • If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
  • The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
  • If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
  • The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
  • The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
  • There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
  • Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
  • If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

List of texts and stories

  1. City Boy
  2. How To Install Software: A 12-Step Program
  3. A Day at the Bar
  4. A Divine Sign
  5. Why did the chicken cross the road?
  6. Religions
  7. How Do You Translate That?
  8. One liners
  9. Have you ever wondered?
  10. Creative Answering Machine Messages
  11. The Biggest Lies of All
  12. Bumper Sticker
  13. Real Church Announcements
  14. In the Courtroom
  15. From Driving Exams
  16. Fun in elevator
  17. From Students' Exams
  18. Kids - questions and answers
  19. Murphy's Military Laws
  20. Newspaper Headlines
  21. How to Pass Your Exams
  22. How to Order Pizza by Phone
  23. Programmer Bulb Jokes
  24. Real Advertisements
  25. Fun With Your Roommate
  26. The World's Thinnest Books